When I first woke, before my eyes opened, something about me just didn't want to go on with this day. I had been in pain through the night and awoken over and over, wondering at this process and trying to remember a time that I slept softly, soundly, without pain or worry.
And then next to me I could hear the softly snoring breath of my chubby, fluffy dog Britta and she sighed and my own lungs responded with the same sigh and I was not alone.
And then to my surprise I began to hear a spring rain softly falling on the roof, gaining strength, giving life. And I wiggled my toes, and I stretched my fingers & I opened my eyes and it was indeed a beautiful, calm, welcoming morning to awaken to. And I am blessed.
I hope that today you feel the blessings of the morning & that the trials of the day are yours to overcome. I hope you feel strong and capable and that the evening brings you peace and closeness to what you most love.
In a few weeks I'll be going back to my hometown of Klamath Falls in Southern Oregon for a family reunion of my dad's side of the family. I cannot wait to see all of our loved ones together and see how the babies have grown into little people and the little ones have grown to teenagers and adults. I can't wait to sit in a chair next to my grandparents, softly swaying in the dusky light and listen to the stories of their youth, of our youth together.
I saw a picture the other day of my grandma and my dad when I was about three years old and they look so unbelievably young and then I realized, my dad was younger at that time than I am now. By my age he had two children in school, was playing backyard wiffle ball with us in the summer sunlight, running the bases in old Levi jeans and laughing in the tall grass.
At our last family reunion, Nick & I had decide to try & grow our family. We were so in love with all the beautiful babies & toddlers and watching our huge extended family run in the hills behind my Aunt & Uncle's house made us realize how fleeting time had really been. We met with a high risk pregnancy doctor, we started learning about adoption & surrogacy, we felt sure that the next gathering of family would include at least one, maybe two or more little faces.
That was not to be. Everything that we had saved for an adoption went to paying medical bills while I was fighting for my life last spring and the fallout from those blood clots & ulcerative colitis flairs, infections & scar tissue made carrying a child dangerous at best. I'm not a gambler. I want to watch my babies grow up. I want them to be healthy & strong and I want to be at my best for them and for Nick. I would never risk my life or the life of my child. Pregnancy is out.
But I have hope. An amazing, beautiful, loving, thoughtful family member has stepped up & offered to be our surrogate! I know I made you guys wait for that one but I had to find the right way to tell you. We are ecstatic. Nick & I have made an appointment with the best and longest standing fertility clinic in the Pacific Northwest and we'll discuss our options now that we have a surrogate in mind.
Hopefully by May 21st we'll have more news about the process, the possibilities, and our family to come. Keep us in your thoughts. If you pray, pray for us, if you send positive energy, send some our way, if you have knowledge or support to share, please comment below or contact us.
This is incredibly exciting but it's also terrifying and nothing is certain. But we have hope. Carry this hope with us and please do continue to let us know if a friend or family member is considering adoption. We know from experience that not everything works out as planned and even if it does, we'd love for our children to have siblings.
Keep sending that love our way and hopefully when Nick & I step onto the grass at our family reunion this summer, it will be with hope, joy, and amazing news about the future. We're sending love to you & your families this morning and always.
Lots of Love,